Finally, after what was supposed to be a “couple of days” job entered the third week, painters completed updating the trim around our brick house. The process was getting tedious, probably, made more so because I’ve only had to do it once before in my lifetime.
My husband and I have lived longer in this house longer than either of us has lived in any house in our lifetime. His father worked for the federal government; mine was a minister. Both of us moved—a lot.
Bright orange paint covered the master bedroom walls of the first house I purchased more than 40 years ago. It was Auburn University/Princeton University. As an Ole Miss person, I could not abide that setup. I began asking friends about the process of painting. Most everyone expressed surprise that I had not learned to paint walls by watching my parents handle that task. I just explained that we didn’t last in any one place as long as the paint. So, I had to learn how to paint.
Leaving not-yet-needing-new paint walls wasn’t the only thing we left behind with each move, and my impatience with the current paint crew made me think about what was left. Most significantly, we left friends. Because my father was a minister, with each move, we quickly became part of our ready-made community. And we developed deep friendships with many of those people.
But when we moved, I did not maintain those friendships consistently. Oh, we exchanged the occasional birthday cards, the regular Christmas cards and maybe a phone call or two. We might have shared a visit or two.
My life was divided into separate sections by the moves we made. And friends from each place were stored in their appropriate boxes. As I’ve grown older and met even more people, I’ve thought a lot about friendship and what I like about my friends. When I get right down to it, I chose my friends for selfish reasons. My friends are interesting people who lead inspiring lives. Each has unique personalities, gifts and talents. They enrich my life, and I live vicariously through them.
This process generated thoughts about the kind of friend I am. I’m a pretty ordinary person, not nearly as exciting or interesting as they are. So, I’m really think a lot about what I offer them my friends.
I’ve also intentionally renewed and reinvigorated many friendships. Technology and social media provide wonderful avenues through which to find people, to keep in touch with them and even to visit in-person. Distances of various kinds have been eliminated.
While I don’t have a specific hometown, I do know some really wonderful people all over the country and I shared life in their hometowns for a bit.
I learned long ago how to paint a room. I’m still learning how to be a friend.
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